Strength of My Love

Enchained and Freed

The chains that bound me down,

are not locked by You.

I made 'YOU' the keys,

I let myself be tied down.

You hurt me every day,

you tear me down every night.

Shall not bend now,

nor drop a tear right now.

I shall wait for the day,

when You abandon me and U are gone.

Strangled on the barren roads,

Aimless without any goals.

That day..

shall close my eyes,

shall let the tears flow down,

They shall wet the floor,

wet the ground around.

As the night shall end..

Shall bend and lie down

Wishing not to wake for the next day's dawn.

Festivals

I remember reading in one of the history books, I guess. It was during the freedom struggle in India that many of the festivals came to origin. One of them was Ganesh Utsav, started by Lokmanya Tilak. Am not sure how true or how well I remember but its not hard or bad to believe this.  The main idea behind was to give people an opportunity to come together inspite of all the odds and bans created by British. I am sure all the festivals, celebrations and holidays even before Independence had the same purpose behind. For me that's the beauty of it all than the religious orchestra attached. This Ramzaan I have been revamped with this feeling.

The oldest bytes of Ramzan in my memory disk is of school days, our maid coming for baksheez. The fun part and why it stayed back in memory probably is, she never came alone, there were always around 7-8 grandchildren who would tail along. My mom and other neighbor aunties used to get big times irritated with this. Their loud animated discussions in the common staircase were kind of a celebrations. We kids got an opportunity to get together and have fun.

It was during my stay in Kerala I witnessed a different perspective of the purity in Ramzan. It amazed me, how people could fast for the whole day. How they methodically did their namaaz 5 times a day, without fail. How with all the norms and restrictions, it was still a celebration. Its a celebration when they break their fast together with family and friends. Its celebrative when a whole community comes together in the mosques and bows down synchronously for the namaaz.

Back in Mumbai I have seen and felt Ramzaan as never before. Mumbai, a place where no one has time for no one and nothing,  decades past festivals serve the same purpose. Get people together. One of these days I visited a mall where the most of the staff were of Mohammadein origin. It was amazing to see how amidst the whole chaos and space constrains they sat together, shared to break their fast. The  metropolitan life doesn't give the leisure to be home but then it doesn't grow above to break the spirits. Any celebration in Mumbai would be half said if one doesn't mention the loud speakers, mandals and the mandaps. It is amazing to hear religious songs tuned to the modern beats and young lads dancing to even those tunes. When such thing happens on the streets, there is a huge crowd to watch the action happening. Including me, most of the time with family and friends I too look over from the window.

With all the rights and the wrongs, from all the breeds, kinds and age spectrum, everyone some how comes together under one mandap. Apart from the relaxation of a holiday, the relief of a bonus, the scare of expenditures and visiting relatives, the festival brings in the pure essence of being together.

Scared of the Day Scared of the Night

Memories - Moments

Joining into a new college I had high anxieties. Anxiety was not of how I will fair in studies after all these years of rest to that side of the brain or even of how a bit younger generation will accept me. But strangely and stupidly of loosing out of memories, past moments. The beautiful moments I treasure so much and dont want to let go of.

After so many years past school life I have couple of friends, very good friends in contact of. Whenever we meet, we talk of past, 95% of the time I absolutely have no memory of those times. I don't know why but I just cant recollect either a face or a day or even something I did myself. I cant even when they narrate the whole incident. Earlier I used to try hard to reconnect but now I know its just hopeless.

College life... so much much and much of good memories. I had a theory that I lost my school memory coz those slots were occupied by college memories. I feared so much that same will happen again and I didnt want that.

But just two months into the course I realized, things were not actually being lost. Most of the times, am reminded of past coz of something happening in present. Its like having Dejavu. 
Just this week we learnt in Psychology, there could be decay of memory coz of overwriting and with time. My theory was right. May be it will happen eventually, again. I would not remember the College days.
Thus I have come to the conclusion that since anyways things are gonna go, so why fear and let the get the present affected.
And now am having good times and moments to treasure and lose again :D
There were also another theory "more the decay better the memory" :D

Going with the flow

(This post was written by me on July 28,2008. I don't know why I didn't publish it then, left it in the bags of my drafted thoughts. May be I felt it was incomplete then, somehow today I feel it is.)

I had a senior in college whom most of us worshiped for her achievements and personality. But attimes we found her in certain situations, ideally she should not be in. Later getting close to her, I asked her about the same. She said she was just going with the flow. At that time the whole thing was so confusing. What and where was the flow?
Today I somehow understand her. I dont know if what I feel now is what she did then. But I too am just going with the flow.
There are certain things you know you should react to, things you have the capabilities to do. But you DONT.
Writing this I am reminded of Gandhiji's 'teen bandars'.

These three hansome men are self explaining

Let me put forth some of the situations, I chose to go with the flow. These might be gender biased. I would just gathers the recent selections. I don't want to bore you with my 'आत्मकथा'.
Personally, getting married is no where in my agenda of the instant future. Socially I am ripen with required qualifications. So, I participate in the discussions going around me.
Yesterday surprisingly for the first time I saw the sign board of 'SPITTING AND SMOKING PROHIBITED' in the BEST bus I travel everyday. Today I saw a person spitting from his seat, beautifully leaving behind some spit particles, to enjoy swinging in the cool rainy breeze. It was so disgusting to see and against the rule. But I saw the same scene thrice before I got down.

Listing all of them wont emphasis much on anything. Social or personal, I know it is no one's fault. I would like to add, may be to console myself, 'neither is it mine'. But,
the truth is there is a flow and I am flowing with it.

Shiny Shoes

Sometimes I find myself doing nothing than staring at those shiny, sparkling shoes walking around and passing by. 

One has so so many dreams. For everyone a truck load of them are left unfulfilled. After a point of time one is left with no choice than to come in terms that they are not meant to be. 

I have come to a conclusion that "these" dreams, day dreams are not vague simulations in the brain, they have to be some calculations in the book of God. There's a balance for the simplest to the most complex.

I am trying to restrict my diet and like never before the whole of Mumbai seems to be hogging on vada pav, wherever I turn my head. I try not to compromise. I have no option than to be satisfied with the saliva in my mouth that seems to taste like the last vada pav I ate. Once, not long back, I ate all the vada pav available around me, which still has voluminous mark on me. Now I don't, but everyone else does, so there goes the balance. All am left with are the dreams that fly in periodically with vada pav in their hands.

I always wanted to get settled somewhere, quieter, peaceful and green. The last place in mind was Mumbai, which a friend of mine recently described as the city of gutters. On a parallel situation, a dear friend wanted a life other way round. She loved the loudness and the speed of this city. Married within a gap of a month, whenever we meet, we have to mention the reality that our dreams were exchanged. There goes the balance and another perfect calculation in the blue book existing miles above our head.

A cobbler makes a shoe for no particular, single person. He takes in some variables and creates the best possible one and delivers it to the world. Its not of importance to him which legs fit in.
I wish God realizes the high demand for the shiny ones and creates in whole sale. AMEN!

Answer Sheets

I have been travelling in the Mumbai Local trains for some days now. Every day there is something that happens when I think that “OK” I shall go home today and write this one in the blog. But have not been urged to that extent to have memory of that till I get back home. Finally today…. A School teacher has initiated me.

Same train, same time to the same place. 

I notice one of the school girls is staring at something behind in the seats for quite sometime now. Not bothered to peep myself as I find it embarrassing.  It’s a rare trait to find in the Ladies Compartment travelers probably coz am new. Still getting used to the environment. It’s a whole other world with whole other set of rules, more on that later.

Finally! I got a seat! Oh! This is what the girl and everyone around is staring at. A school teacher is correcting answer sheets. And she is doing it at supersonic speed. Page turns √ √ √ and ∞ ∞. Next Page, big slash in the large vacant area. Now Marks, 2-2-1-0-0. Tuck tuck tuck. The red ink flows. How could she be so fast? I guess teachers are so used to doing it that they know by shape of the sentence whether it contains correct words or not. Experience makes man perfect!

(Wondering what that ∞ symbol is? It is supposed to be the shape indicating wrong, she was putting every now and then.)

Thoughts start wandering: How would my teachers have corrected my papers. I do remember writing one paper, where she wouldn’t have had to do much hardwork, look at many shapes. Two lines and big slashes in the rest :D

Next Station, another enthusiastic girl boards in. She is literally drooping over the teacher to see the action going on. Couple of minutes behind I see her biting her nails. 

The final station is approaching, the slowing train has somehow triggered teacher’s speed to super supersonic. The fate of the student is now being witnessed undistractedly by all the commuter of 5:33 Thane from Kanjur.  

Everybody stars, including me this time. 

NB: Sadly couldnt find a single image of answer sheet on Google

The GREATs

Recently I saw movie 'Invictus', as often happens, the story, the characters in it has inspired me towards pouring out these cluster of words. The movie is about Nelson Mandela and the 1995 Rugby World Championship. Its my habit to go on to Google if something touches my heart, search and read all about it. So I did the same with the keyword 'Nelson Mandela'. And I am left wondering ....
How do some people turn out to be GREAT. What are they made of. What was different in  Mandela. There are so many in his league. Gandhiji, Mother Teresa, etc etc. These people were not intellectually genius as Stephen Hawking or Bill Gates. Nor as rich as the kings of countries or healthier as Mike Tyson or even Dhara Singh then what was it! After mints of wondering I realise ...
It has to be their guts, dedication towards supporting a cause and the way they do it.
Obviously I could not have stopped there, had to support my finding with examples. I connect this theory to lives of other greats.
Remember Lady Diana,she was just another married to a Prince women like so many still alive. All of them are supposed to do charity and stuffs but why was she everyones favourite and I guess still remains to be. It was the grace and beauty on her face while she did it. The extra leap she took. Take Mother Teresa what was the need to come all the way to poor India set up a missionary. 
I have to mention this one example which flew into my brain.
Raj Thackeray, not one of the GREATS great but still he is going to be in the minds of people for times to come. That is a greatness in itself. The cause he supports and the way he does it ;) 
The thought story doesnt end here. Why am I not GREAT. wondering wondering and wondering.... Three days later... no answer found yet :D Maybe that 'not GREAT' is not true. May be I am GREAT :D
I think everyone is great in ones own sense. World wont be the same without me or even without any singles person less from you.

Guardian Angels

" Guardian Angels from heaven so bright.
Watching besides me to lead me right "

My best friend sung this to me once and narrated to me the funda of guardian angels. " The Almighty God has blessed each of us with guardian angels, to look after us when He is unable to be around." Strange thought, right? They are Christians that is why they believe this....

I haven't prepared for the presentation today. Strangely the meeting is canceled for no particular reason. It is raining heavily. It is one of those days I have proudly forgotten the umbrella. There seems no way the rain would stop. It stops right before the bus reaches my destination. Its month end, I am totally broke. I have totally forgotten about the lab fees. I find a Rs 500/- in my practical book, long kept and forgotten.
A thousand such incidents... "They are Christians that is why they believe this.... I thought then! But I realise now its so true."

Its just not with the rain, with materials things. I always find a friend who lends me money, when the requirement is extremely high. There is always a friend to talk to and refresh when I am sad and down. A colleague who never speaks to me, appreciates me, right when the encouragement is required. People who know nothing about my problem, help me out, in a way they themselves don't realise.
A stranger helps you even when not asked for and there is gush of relief. You see, hear, feel or touch something and you feel good and positive. There is no one around to tell you what is right, what is wrong then there is a breeze of sudden realization. You have been banging your head for days another bang today and there is a pop.

I sleep peacefully at night and I wake up with a smile, coz my angels are there always by my side.

Yester - To - Tomoro

The growth of the seed to plant
The development of the house roof tops from the kitchen chimneys to the dish antina:
The transformation of the light emitting systems in our life:
The mode of letter delivery:
The formation of an terrorist:
The path of enlightenment of a sadhu
(my friends have suggested that I put in a narration for the above image. Yesterday he sat for mediation, today he has arose with meditative powers, Tomoro he shall be blessed with the divine light)

The growth of ones beard:
The destructive steps of Baldness:
The gain of fats:The various stages of phones:
The inventive stages of computer external storage devices:
The clothing line for a male gender:
The change in mode of transportation:
The airy steps of the ancient days to now:

Please do leave in any more ideas for this series if you could think of.

Making of the Day Season II

What do you do when you know, the best that could be done about something has already been done, proudly and sadly, it was done by you?
Last year's CelebrationsI
After celebrating Sameer Sir's b'day last year in every fashion we could think of then, there was actually nothing left for us to do this year. How on earth can you beat, wishing in person at 12pm, creating an "big" hand-made gift, organizing a party, all on the same day.


There has to be some way! During our research we all remembered one thing, which was also well written by sir in this blog itself, "What I liked the most was the gift..it was not the routine 'Archies' item bought with everyone contributing money.". From this one thing was sure, it has to be a copyrighted gift. We really repented the size last year, this time it will be more compact.
We often think what would Sir do with it, or what would he have done?
As a click we got our idea from, MAD@pogotv (go to ART>> MAKES.)

And the show began . . .

All the way we kept thinking how more could it be different, last time it was just from e-studio and this time it was from 44 people, who contributed to this affair. Thus it took a lot of money and material planning.
The special fun this time was beating the time. All of us had ample work to not be able to get up from our chairs, but we did manage.

Lets start the work:

The pogo website said we needed tissue bits for preparing the dough. Many helped us, while they were waiting for things to get rendered, downloaded or even between the lunch. Thankful Oye! Its Friday, what better place than Friday meeting to turn three toilet paper rolls into bits. But on implementation level, there was hardly the need of half a roll. So if there's anybody who would like to use bits of "toilet" paper whenever and wherever, feel free to contact us. There's plenty !!

The next ingredient, bottles, thanks to Sandeep Uncle. Those who dont know who he is, look for shining thing in the picture

I dont know what we could have done without our Art Director Bhairav. For every imagination we had, he had a beautiful reality.

Never before had the movie Happy Feet been so fantastic. Each scene of reference brought the 'awe' emotion into us.

First we had decided shelter could be made from a tea-set thermocol.But when our penguins were finally ready, they were 'Complan' penguins, much taller, much stronger and I am sure much smarter too, coz we were making them with the imagination, as to how Sir and family would be as penguin. So, another board.

When the shelter was finally ready, all of us were amazed. It simply looked more beautiful than the penguins. All of the credit goes to our superb Art Director Bhairav, who does it all. From the above picture I am sure you can recognize him anywhere from his back side, all possible shots available.

Idea was to have a wooden exterior, ply or even actual wood. No one could have brought in the Wooden textured sheets from IIT shops than Sandeep, who dedicately went to each store each time he was asked to bring in something. Thus creating a record time of 1+hr to bring a torch, which could be found anywhere. But the best is what we have!

How could there not be any last minute adjustments and additions?


Though everything turned out to be more perfect than we ever hoped for, there will always remain a dot of dissatisfaction of not getting the light arrangement right. But with the time limit we had, we got to much much better situation.


While last year we had a whole weeks time to prepare the gift, this year it was a 2.5 days job. On Sunday, we had a great 12 hour shift, where we worked, laughed, fought. Of course had to get refreshed n relaxed.
PS: Sushant is the one who ate the most. We were busy eating the remains when he clicked the photo.

Rapping the gift was a major issue due to size and shapes.

"And all that is worth for what we see."

We had to add a special touch for Sir among all of it. Thats our Sir in the left with his very own customised spectacles.
For any further order on the same set, you can always contact us!

QuEstion of ChoicEs

How does it feel to be out of the rehabilitation? Have you completely got rid of your addiction?
For me it has been a miracle. Nobody ever thought I could addict to drugs and I am sure no one ever expected me to get out of it. But I have and I am thankful to no one else than my darling fiancé who has stood by me through the down hill ride.
Are you alright?
Ya! I am. Don’t worry it’s just the stress. I guess the partying is giving me hard time. But I am OK. You carry on. Common…
Hey, I thought you are out of the league. How are you Mr.? Once you are in, can’t leave, huh?
No… I … I was just passing by, thought I will say ‘hi’ to you guys. I don’t want anything.
How did these packets come here? Tell me. After all that, how did these get here?
I couldn’t, it was hard but I didn’t take them. They forced me, I am surely not taking them. It was a mistake, forgive me dear. I am never going back.
You promised me … I can’t believe this. How could you do it?
I cant, I can’t do without it. I promise I will not overdo it. I need it. Just a bit, it won’t even be a dose, just the smell of it. Please!
You are back to the same place. I can’t take it anymore. You have to decide, whether you want me here or not?
You can’t take it anymore, huh! You don’t understand. You never can. Just stop pushing me and get out of my life.
This is the end Son. You don’t have anything to ask, do you?
I made all the wrong choices, didn’t I?

wide AWAKE

I love watching movies and I watch a lot of them. The place for them in my life is that of a friend who boosts me up when I am down, who gives me company when I am bored and alone, a partner who is there just for being there. They help me get inspired, in giving answers, in getting a way out I have been waiting for, most of the time just to chill out.
This week has been very dull. After full two months of slogging with work, activities and creativity, I sat at office and home doing no specific thing, just doing the routine stuff that I could do with no much pressure on my heart and brain. I am not sad, hurt or weeping the earth down. I just don’t feel like it.
Going with the stride of passing time watching movies, I woke up early today to book the remote in my hand for the day. The first movie, was the ‘Air Buddies’, got nothing much. The next one was ‘Wide Awake’. It was about a boy who looses his grandpa, whom he is very much attached to. He plans to go on a mission to find God, to make sure, God is taking good care of his grandpa. The movie had been put together so nicely and softly, the thought just slides into your mind. The movie inspires you to believe in the omnipresent, omnipotent image of the God with no specific religion highlighted. You don’t need to see Him to know He cares for you and for your loved ones.
So many times you keep searching for things and they come to you from something you never imagine. I am not an atheist. Infact I truly am a believer of God being omnipresent. I don't follow any particular religion. I don’t believe you need to follow the laid rules of any religion to be believing in God, though attimes they do help to discipline and channelize our beliefs.
The refreshment of this thought through this movie today early morning has given me back the energy I had lost in last few days. I don't know how, but surprisingly it has.
It’s important to keep believing in God, that He is there! And for those who don’t believe in the word “God” atleast believe in the omnipresence of a force that brings into your life the sorrows and after that the much awaited happiness.